At the start of this week of Thanksgiving in the US, with an awareness of how fortunate I am in so many ways, it feels very much like I’m at a crossroads, although maybe just another path off the one less traveled. My blog reach has dwindled substantially over the last year plus, at times causing me to wonder what I should do differently or even if I should continue with it. (Because of needing to maintain a profile of myself as a published author, I probably will.) Throughout my life, in many ways, what works for others hasn’t for me. I have never been able to figure out why. Should I be more personally revealing, complain more, be cleverer, write more directly about current events? Am I not edgy enough, angry enough, relevant enough? Obviously, I’m not seductive enough – well, that is nothing new. I have tried to look at the success others have in attracting visitors to their blogs, but I’m still not sure what the secret is. Comparison is usually not very productive.
Mixing metaphors from my opening line, I’ve always swum against the tide; I will even admit to being resistant to going more easily with the current – that actually feels like I’m going against myself. I feel best when I express myself through my creativity and imagination. I have always felt a strong affinity with this quote by Emily Brontë:
“If I could I would always work in silence and obscurity, and let my efforts be known by their results.”
Perhaps that is the problem. I’m a very solitary person. In my physical world – and now in the virtual one, too – that seems to put people off; they like someone who is outgoing, who speaks more and louder, or is submissive to their being outgoing and speaking more and louder.
I understand. I do isolate myself. I can get lost in my thoughts and feelings and become unavailable. I’m an idea person. A head person who follows her heart.
“… let my efforts be known by their results,” I suppose by that measure, the result the efforts put into my many years of blogging (and even my writing, that has seen decades of effort) has pretty much been a failure. Saying that, I just came upon this quote today:
“Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” ~ Samuel Becket
Perhaps a new definition of success?
What’s most important is that I don’t want to lost sight of my calling to create, and, also, those who have taken the time and interest to add their support through visits to my blogs, adding likes and comments, purchasing my publications and offering reviews or their encouragement in other ways.
Please know I appreciate every ONE of you who has given my writing and artwork, my very essence your attention in whatever way comfortable for you.
I give thanks.
Not without remembering there is much yet to do
in this world that sorely needs
to become more peaceful, unified, and compassionate.
Copyright 2012 by Diane’s Mom, June
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